From the Equal Time Department, word comes from our nation’s capital today that Vice President Dick Cheney will be in Birmingham April 2 to help Sen. Jeff Sessions raise campaign cash. And just 24 hours late for April Fools’ Day.

The fundraiser, to be held at the Club …

Excuse me … Sorry …

The fundraiser is to be held at THE Club, and is by invitation only.

If by chance you receive a golden ticket, then you are obligated to give the bobbleheaded senator $1,000 toward his reelection. And you have to listen to the Vice President explain why we’re at war with Iraq. Perhaps he could do better with our Four Questions than the junior senator from Alabama did last month, when he said the Iraq war was necessary because Saddam Hussein still insisted he won the first bout.

Or maybe Dick will explain why, when he is arguably the most powerful man in the world, he still lets people call him Dick. And why is Dick Shelby letting him grab his wife’s ass? (See below.)

— Kyle Whitmire