Former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards has raised $314,902 for his current presidential campaign in Alabama. We hope his donors got their money’s worth. Campaign disclosures made public last week showed that Edwards spent campaign funds on at least two haircuts, each costing him $400, and another $250 to a New Hampshire salon that caters mostly to women.

We love to say we told you so, and now we can say with great confidence that Edwards will never be president. Once again, and maybe once and for all, his quasi-populist campaign message has been crippled by his conspicuous consumption — a contrast that demonstrates clearly that his hypocrisy might be exceeded only by his stupidity.

In his campaigns, Edwards has said that there are “two Americas,” a fact that he illustrates by example. You see, there are two John Edwards, one defined by what he says and the other defined by what he does. He’s earned a place on The List.

Three years ago, Weekly staff writer Phillip Jordan first pointed out Edwards’ trial lawyer tastes after the then-vice presidential candidate paid a visit to Alabama. The candidate’s itinerary, as we recounted then, went something like this: Rubber chicken fundraiser at the Summit Club (30 minutes), unannounced/unpublicized visit to local headquarters (20 minutes), dinner at Bottega (3 hours).

Bottega is a fine place to eat, but not a smart place to campaign. Working the lines at the Fish Market with a camera crew in tow would be better electioneering, but Edwards opted for fried figs instead.

Then, in January, Edwards made his first visit to Alabama for the new campaign. Only he didn’t come courting votes. Instead, he solicited donations at the Mid Winter Conference of the Alabama Trial Lawyers Association. That’s right. Edwards was here, in his first campaign visit, to take money from trial lawyers. As we wrote then, if he had performed an abortion and married another man, he could have hit the trifecta for running crossways of Alabama values.

At that time, we asked Edwards why the previous campaign had not spent more time in Alabama. He deflected blame to his former running mate, Sen. John Kerry.

“I just expressed my view about this,” he said. “I was not the presidential candidate three years ago.”

That’s technically true — he was not the presidential nominee then. But sources who worked on that campaign have told us how badly they tried to wrestle a more visible visit from Edwards. For Edwards to deflect blame toward Kerry is all but a lie.

Edwards got caught on the cusp of a fib again last week, when he told the Associated Press that he hadn’t known how much the haircuts would cost.

But he had two, although he paid for them with campaign money. What’s more, the Beverly Hills hair stylist, Joseph Torrenueva, told AP that Edwards has been a long time client and that he had cut Edwards hair many times.

Oh, and did we mention that last year he bought one of the largest homes in all of North Carolina?

Talks like a mill worker’s son, but spends with a trial lawyer’s tastes.
“I grew up in the rural South, in South Carolina, Georgia and North Carolina, small towns the whole time,” Edwards said during his visit in January. “I think I have a good understanding of what people in Alabama care about.”

Yeah, but we wonder in Mayberry RFD, where do you go to get a $400 haircut?

— Kyle Whitmire