According to our sources deep within the Rudolph Giuliani campaign, the former New York Mayor and Republican presidential candidate will be at the Fish Market Restaurant in downtown Birmingham at 6:30 tonight. Actually, our secret source was a press release marked “For Planning Purposes Only.” However, the press advisory didn’t say whose planning purposes, so we’re giving it to you for your planning purposes.

Maybe you could ask Hizzoner about family planning. Or maybe you could ask him about his spooky crap-your-pants comments this morning in Tuscaloosa that Democrats want to put American on the defensive against terrorists again. Or maybe you could ask him what size he wears in women’s clothes. Or maybe you could ask him the price of milk and bread. It’s your call.

Actually we’re kind of proud Hizzoner will be visiting the Fish Market. It’s an eclectic mix of people — from business execs in suits to working class folks in t-shirts. Several times since the last election we suggested that venue for Sen. John Edwards, who prefers Bottega and $400 haircuts at girlie salons, instead. Oh, well.

With the Fish Market venue spent, maybe Barack Obama could put in an appearance at the Garage Café. We’d buy him a beer. And also, there’s a strong contingent of New York expats who hold down one corner of the bar there during happy hour. Maybe Giuliani would be right at home.

— Kyle Whitmire