THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW that says no self-respecting publication in the city of Birmingham can ever put Vulcan on the cover again. Don’t get us wrong – we love that big guy and appreciate all the nuanced metaphorical implications of having him as the symbol of our city. Still, as far as putting him on the cover, it’s been done a time or 10,000. We opted to do it again this week to highlight our story on the world premiere of Miss Vulcan 1939, which opens this Saturday at the Red Mountain Theatre. The play is a dramatic reimagining of a once-in-a-lifetime Birmingham pageant (not to be confused with the political beauty contest in which Larry Langford is a perennial candidate).

Speaking of pageantry, as of 12:01 a.m. today, there’s a fella born in Sheffield, Ala., running for president. The Republicans had their movie actor president in Reagan, their puppet president in George W. Bush and now are angling for a TV ham candidate in Fred Thompson. If anything about having a Law & Order president makes you feel safe, take a minute to ponder what you were doing six years ago this Tuesday. Then take an hour to ponder that while there’s no proof that Osama bin Laden is dead, there’s plenty to verify that nearly 4,000 of your compatriots are.

Such truths try men souls, making comedy necessary – special yuks in the offing this week come from Doug Stanhope and J. Michael McCall, as well as the steady funny J’Mel Davidson. Other worthwile diversions include Georgia wineries, Artwalk or the movies (although Halloween is evidently best avoided).

Finally, start counting – only a month until the release of the 2007-2008 Menu of Menus and only a week until Jeremy Harper reaches a million.