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Posted on November 4, 2009

The Ballad of Federal Gaol

A poem about an ex-mayor & a prisoner-to-be.

By Courtney Haden
Langford_Inaugural
Guilty, came the verdict

and Guilty filled the hall,

and Guilty kept on coming

fully sixty counts in all.

Guilty was the judgment

from each jury vote, his peer —

The Gambler did not break a sweat,

he did not seem to hear.

His pupils failed to widen

nor did his pulse careen.

He showed no more emotion

than some bingo game machine

because, as he sat in Coogler’s

court, his memories took charge.

For just another moment

he was free and living large,

and in that drowning second

he replayed that pageant rich

which’d make the Kingfish envious

or Boss Tweed bust a stitch.

He was a riven Gambler,

no hold ‘em-fold ‘em rhyme.

He had to give that wheel a spin

and spin it one more time

as round and round his highlights whirled:

The TV gig, the cheers,

the Vision and a wife or two,

the bustling, busy years

plus friends who’d look out for you

if you’d look their way as well.

The Gambler kept on looking

as one by one they fell.

Guilty, came the verdict

and Guilty, newsies cried.

Lost within his reverie,

The Gambler let it ride.

He thought about the bubbles

in the many beers he’d repped,

he remembered situations

out of which he’d nimbly crept

with Jesus on his left side

and his mother on his pants

swinging an electric cord

by way of remonstrance.

Still, these were never lessons,

but adventures to be spun,

with chances to be taken

and winnings to be won.

Those who believed not in his luck

The Gambler cast aside,

always finding plenty more

beseeching for a ride.

On past the edge he pushed it all

and would not say Enough,

because no other player

would ever call his bluff.

Guilty, came the verdict

and Guilty mighty quick,

for not a single charge among

the sixty failed to stick.

But was it for malfeasance,

the enormity of sin,

or was it his gigantic pricey

wardrobe done him in?

Fernando always said if you

look good you feel good, too.

The Gambler, thanks to haberdashers,

found this to be true

from the biggest New York boutique

to the average shopping mall

(plus, feeling good meant never

paying retail, or at all).

The pageant now was drawing

to its court-appointed end,

now that the jury’d left him nothing

further to defend.

Sixty times he rolled the dice

and sixty came up craps,

leaving him right at the point

most everybody taps.

But not The Gambler. He plays on

because he’s wired like that,

because the luck might change next pass,

because you don’t stand pat.

He might seem to have lost it all.

Wait till he meets the press.

He will convince the lot that

there’s no failure like success.

See, each elected functionary’s

felt temptation’s yank.

Boodle’s strong persuasion

has filled many a solon’s bank,

and most think they have earned it,

entitled to their graft.

When winds of change start blowing,

they will never feel a draft.

We re-elect such hoodlums

and their hoodlum friends as well.

We are indifferent citizens

and weary, truth to tell.

From City Hall to Monkey Town

To Washington, you bet

the government that we deserve

is what we always get.

Fortuna’s wheel trumps justice

more than you dare admit.

One gets caught while others slide

based on where spinnings quit.

Let’s raise one to that Gambler

and the folks who staked his bet.

He anted up and lost it all

and ain’t said Sorry yet.

Incarceration makes his lot

unpleasant to perceive:

it’s easy come and easy go,

unless you cannot leave.





Courtney Haden is a Birmingham Weekly columnist. Write to courtney@bhamweekly.com
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